Family First
TWO ‘MY WAYS’ AND NO HIGHWAY
By Rahul Kapoor
Avoid the Dead-End
We’ve all heard the phrase: “My way or the highway.” Some wear it like a badge of strength. Others mistake it for clarity or decisiveness. Over time, this turns from a one-off statement into a belief system backed by past experiences, ego, and a perceived sense of control.
But let’s be clear: In a family, this strategy rarely works. In fact, it creates one of the most dangerous emotional dead-ends.
When Two Parents Pull in Opposite Directions
I've seen families where parents don’t get along, yet continue living under the same roof. Instead of resolving their differences, they settle into separate lanes, each parent silently believing, “At least I’m doing my part.”
The mother does her version of parenting: school runs, birthday shopping, holidays with the children, but without the father.
The father does his own version too: providing for the family, taking kids on drives or outings, again, without the mother.
Both believe they’re making sacrifices.
Both believe they’re doing it for the children.
And both are wrong in the bigger picture.
Why?
Because children aren’t just watching, they’re absorbing. They don’t see two parents loving them. They see two people avoiding each other and calling it parenting.
This silent divide becomes their model for love, relationships, and family. Some children grow up angry, others emotionally numb. Some may choose never to marry. Others may desperately try to be everything their parents weren’t and burn themselves out.
Yes, a few do rise above. But research, and real life, both say: that’s the exception, not the norm.
From Circles to Intersection
Family isn’t about parallel efforts; it’s about overlapping intentions.
Imagine each family member as a circle. VENN DIAGRAM At first, they might float separately. But over time, they must start overlapping. That intersection that shared space is what builds connection, resilience, and love.
The more we expand that shared space, the stronger the family becomes.
That’s why we must stop asking: “Why should I make the effort?” And instead start asking: “What can I do to create more space for us to meet in the middle?”
Because it’s not about giving up yourself.
It’s about showing up with yourself, for something bigger - us.
The Only Way Forward Is Together
We often say, “Families are hard.” But that’s only partly true.
What’s actually hard is dropping our egos.
What’s hard is wanting to be right more than being together.
What’s hard is loving someone enough to try again… even when it’s not easy.
But when we try - genuinely, consistently - ego melts, and love flows.
This is a universal truth. And it’s never failed.
REFLECT
- Are you and your partner parenting together or simply parallel?
- What shared values or activities could form your common ground?
- Are your children watching two people co-create, or two people co-exist?
TAKEAWAY
- “My way or the highway” leads nowhere in a family. It creates emotional orphans with living parents.
- Family is not just co-living - it’s co-creating. Prioritise shared space over solo wins.
- The smallest overlap of effort, when consistent and genuine, can spark massive healing.