Work-Life Balance & Relationships
Forgive And Forget
“Set aside your ego, resolve a misunderstanding and see how good you feel.”
Misunderstanding and conflict are part and parcel of daily life it is not possible to eliminate them, but converting them into ego battles and not resolving them take away the joy and happiness from our lives.
Life is unpredictable, so it’s best we stop the game of hate and begin to love instead. Let’s give ourselves a reason to smile by forgetting bad experiences and forgiving people. Think of someone with whom you want to sort out differences and continue reading.
THERE ARE THREE PREREQUISITES TO RESOLVE CONFLICT:
- You need to let go of your ego.
- You need to have the desire to solve the problem.
- You need to communicate openly.
Here are some of the fundamental approaches that will help you get started:
CONVERSE FACE-TO-FACE
Take a bold step, fix a time for discussion with the concerned person and walk into the meeting with the singular objective of solving differences. Start the conversation by thanking the person for agreeing to meet you. Express regret over the state of the relationship, tell the person you care and you want the relationship to be normal again.
Make an apology (without expecting one in return), don’t try to prove ‘a right’ or ‘a wrong’, just keep working to resolve the problem. Discuss what went wrong and how that can be sorted out to move on in life. Control your emotions, empathize with the person and allow him to vent out the frustrations. Be prepared to hear a few criticisms, make a few sacrifice, be ready to let go, just keep the ego aside if you really care.
If you are genuine in your approach you will be able to resolve the conflict, if not, you will at least have a sense of satisfaction that you tried your best. In both the cases, you will end up as a winner and bring yourself a lot of peace.
MAKE AMENDS WITH A CALL
If you are unable to gather courage for a face to face conversation or if distance is a concern, then make a phone call. Some people are more expressive over the telephone; they feel comfortable and are able to build a conversation easily. Once you have the concerned person online repeat the same process as in the case of one-to-one conversation. The only thing that can change is that the conversation can get emotional and sometimes people do break down during the conversation.
A 38-year-old professional got married against his parents’ wishes and had to pay the price of breaking relationship with his parents. He had not spoken to them for 15 years, each of his attempts to resolve the differences failed in his mind because he was convinced that he would not be forgiven. Eventually, he mustered up the courage to talk to his mother over the phone; he apologized for having gone against parental wishes, expressed his love and need to be with them. The conversation got charged emotionally and ended with his parents calling him back home.
EXPRESS YOURSELF ON PAPER
When talking becomes impossible, try writing a letter or an email. All rules to resolve the conflict are the same as in the case of one-to-one talk. However, you may experience a strange feeling while writing. You will make mistakes, your hand writing may not be at its best, and you may feel like writing and rewriting. This happens because the mind tries to reason out why you should not apologize, you were right, the other person was wrong and so on. Some times you may even feel like writing a letter to someone who lives/works with you. Ensure that the letter reaches them.
A family conflict separated a teenager niece from her aunt; they had not spoken for three years. She wrote a letter to her aunt expressing her love and how much she missed her. She expressed her disappointment about the manner in which her father and uncle had fought over property and said she wanted to live together again happily. She posted the letter. However, even before it could reach her aunt, she received a message that her aunt had passed away. A few days later her uncle read the letter, realized his mistake. He apologized to her and unified the family.
There are several other examples like these — A daughter, who felt that her parents loved her elder sister more and had become hostile towards them, sorted things out with an honest communication with the family; a housewife let go of her ego and apologized to build a beautiful relationship with her mother-in-law; a boss accepted that he had been rude to some of his team members and earned their respect.
Forgiving, seeking forgiveness, letting go and forgetting differences, create scope for a more powerful, meaningful and productive life.